Today, I introduce Fool’s Errand.  This is a feature, unique to Thus Sayeth the Lord (’cause I just made it up right now– out of my head!), that combines espionage, trickery, tomFOOLery, and social engineering to make a positive difference in the world.

The background for today’s Errand is found in the text of a recent article that Stephen King wrote for the New York Times.  Here are some pertinent sections:

I walk past the best sellers, past trade paperbacks with titles like “Who Stole My Chicken?,” “The Get-Rich Secret” and “Be a Big Cheese Now,” past the mysteries, past the auto-repair manuals, past the remaindered coffee-table books (looking sad and thumbed-through with their red discount stickers). I arrive at the Wall of Magazines, which is next door to the children’s section, where story time is in full swing. […]

I can grab The New Yorker and Harper’s while I’m still standing up, without going to my knees like a school janitor trying to scrape a particularly stubborn wad of gum off the gym floor. For the rest, I must assume exactly that position. I hope the young woman browsing Modern Bride won’t think I’m trying to look up her skirt. I hope the young man trying to decide between Starlog and Fangoria won’t step on me. I crawl along the lowest shelf, where neatness alone suggests few ever go. And here I find fresh treasure: not just Zoetrope and Tin House, but also Five Points and The Kenyon Review. No Glimmer Train, but there’s American Short Fiction, The Iowa Review, even an Alaska Quarterly Review. I stagger to my feet and limp toward the checkout. The total cost of my six magazines runs to over $80. There are no discounts in the magazine section.

So think of me crawling on the floor of this big chain store and ask yourself, What’s wrong with this picture?

Now, King goes on to mourn the woes of the short fiction market.  It’s a finely crafted article.  BUT– we are concerned more with mischief and tomFOOLery.  Let us hie hence thusly.

Here’s what we’re going to do.  Each mother’s son, each father’s daughter, will take in their hands a digital camera.  They will do as King did– walk into a bookstore.  Find the magazine racks.  Find where the magazines that contain short stories are located.  You may be required to squat.  But when you find them, take a picture of where they are located– making sure that your perspective shows exactly where they are in relation to the rest of the selections.  This is the BEFORE picture.   To now, we have been well-behaved little children.  To now, we have abided by the laws of a good and civil society.  Up to this point, we have not engaged in shenanigans.

Oh, but we shall, my dears.  Because if there is a BEFORE, there must come an AFTER.

Locate the speculative fiction magazines.  They may not have many– they may be difficult to find.  Now…where can you place these to encourage a sale?  Perhaps…yes!  In PLAIN VIEW!  Move aside, Photography Today!  Make way, Vogue!  Don’t just move a single copy, you laze-about!  MOVE THEM ALL!  Every single one!  By Pan, by Coyote, by Dionysus, if we are engaged in shenanigans, we will ENGAGE!

Now take your picture again, for the AFTER!  And send me evidence of your actions– LordofAllFools (at) Gmail (dot) com.  I’ll post the results of everyone’s efforts when I’ve got enough to talk about.

Of course, this won’t save the short story.  Not even a little bit.  But it’s good fun, for a good purpose.  To save the short story,  each of us needs to subscribe to short-story markets that we enjoy.  Myself, I like Asimov’s , Intergalactic Medicine Show, and even the more literary-minded Fantasy and Science Fiction (which I’ll review later) satisfies my taste for short fiction.  Usually.  There are LOTS of worthy markets out there, with lots of great stories.  Some of them are even FREE, for Heaven’s Sake, like Strange Horizons.  There are literary markets like Strange Horizons and F&SF; there are also more adventuresome markets, like Baen’s Universe.

However your errand turns out– some of you, I’m afraid, will not return from the clutches of the vengeful Assistant Store Manager– make it a point to buy, read, recommend and comment  on the short fiction you come across.